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What All Boy Moms Need to Know

Posted by Joy Hale on Jun 11, 2021 11:25:05 AM

“Love is important, but it is respect that is the key to your son’s heart.” Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

improving relationship with sons


“What were you thinking? I would expect this behavior from a toddler, but not from you as a 13-year-old young man! This is unacceptable.”

“You should have asked for help, studied more, paid attention, blah, blah, blah…”

“Why did you do that?!?! You always make poor choices when no one is looking! ”

These typical opening lines to mom lectures can often leave mothers feeling regretful and sons feeling uninspired. In fact, none of these statements or the tone in which they are usually delivered are effective motivators for a son's desire to be an honorable man.  

In Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book Mother and Sons: The Respect Effect, he describes the powerful impact of mothers integrating respectful language into conversations with sons as opposed to language that communicates disrespect and contempt. When mothers speak disrespectfully to sons, sons may recognize they failed to do the right thing in the moment, but they also experience a sense of failure as a young man. 


relationship help for mothers and sons

 “Every boy mom needs to understand that boys filter their world through respect and tend to personalize the appearance of disrespect.”  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Dr. Eggerichs defines a mother’s respect as positive regard toward her son no matter what he does. Words matter and a few changes transform a mother's comments from powerless to empowering and aids the relationship between mother and son.

 “This behavior is not respectable, and you are a respectable young man.”

“It is the respectful thing to ask for help when you are struggling.”

“Respectable men do the right thing even when no one is looking, and I respect the young man you are growing up to be. ”

After implementing respect language into the parenting of their sons, mothers wrote letters to Dr. Eggerichs.  They testified the following:

  • What a difference!
  • I was totally amazed.
  • It kind of blew me away.
  • It spoke to their hearts.
  • My relationship with my son improved overnight.
  • These things make my son smile like I have never seen!

If you would like to learn more, listen to these Focus on the Family broadcasts.

Recognizing Your Sons Need for Respect Part 1

Recognizing Your Sons Need for Respect Part 2

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Topics: Parenting