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What Software Development Taught Me About Parenting

Posted by Charlie Hale on Oct 16, 2018 10:18:00 AM

dad sharing parenting advice

I work with technology in what’s generally considered the IT industry on a software technical sales team.  My primary customer set is service providers, including telecommunications, media, and entertainment companies.  The software I sell runs on linux, not windows or Mac, so although I work “in IT”, no I probably cannot fix your PC.  In the technology world, there’s an approach to building applications that is very relevant to raising children. 

It’s simply called Agile.  If you’re interested in seeing some of it, which can end up being a bit “gorpy” (read that as Charlie Brown teacher speak if you have no interest), you can look at this website where a group of developers published what’s called the Agile Manifesto.  Interestingly, the software development ideas in the Agile Manifesto remind me of some very important parenting principles.

Our Highest Priority

The Agile Manifesto starts out with a statement about “Our Highest Priority”.  Highest priority is something I think about often, but I am not always intentional about.  In parenting, there is a lot of busy, and the intentional sometimes gets lost.  Just think about the day and how much has to be done, with kids schedules, extra curricular activities, homework, making meals, and getting ready for the next day.  My highest priority as a parent is teaching my children to love God and love others.  In parenting and as expressed in Agile, I must always keep the highest priority in mind.  Teaching my children to love the Lord and others is the driving force behind all family decisions.  

a dad's perspective on parenting

 

Welcome Changing Requirements

Another great point in Agile, which is different from the traditional approach to delivering projects, is welcoming changing requirements.  In the traditional approach, everything is decided and agreed upon up front. No changes are allowed, with a few difficult-to-incorporate exceptions after product is released. In parenting, I fall into the traditional mind set often, and have preconceived, static expectations.  This is not always a bad thing, but could spiral into my children believing I am harsh and do not listen, not exactly the relationship I desire.  As a parent, there are many times I should be more Agile, and “welcome changing requirements”.   To me this means being a better, empathetic listener.   It is vital for my children to understand I value their opinion and consider it when parenting them.  I am working on not reacting harshly to situations with the infamous parental sermon.   

what software development taught me about parenting

 

Fail-fast or Sometimes Noted Fail-early

This concept is not specifically outlined in the Agile Manifesto, but is a commonly accepted ideology for agile software development and meant to spur innovation.  In the midst of life, seeing failure as a benefit is counter intuitive.  I am afraid of what might happen if I let go and let my kids mess up.  I worry my children will get hurt, hurt someone, or make some bad choice.  Messing up is actually okay.  Kids have many opportunities to “mess up”, “get hurt”, or “get in trouble”, but these situations provide moments for significant learning experiences.  I need to be grateful for the "mess ups" rather than worry about them.  Failing early means kids are learning valuable lessons now, while they are generally small.  Some of these failures could be much more difficult and have far reaching implications later on in life.  The reality is our kids learn the most from their failures.  

Surprisingly, software development principles have taught me to be a better parent by reminding me:

  1. that teaching my children to love the Lord and others is my highest parenting priority
  2. to be flexible and listen to my kids
  3. and to see the value in letting my kids fail.  

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Topics: Parenting