I remember the day I dropped my firstborn off at college like it was yesterday. My emotions were raw as I helped her unpack her belongings and decorate her new home. On the one hand, I was so excited for her. She was about to embark on an incredible experience – one that would launch her into adulthood. On the other hand, I knew things would never be the same, and I was literally having to say goodbye to my daughter’s childhood. It felt excruciating and exciting all at once. It was literally like no other roller coaster I had ever ridden.

On the ride back home that night, I cried my eyes out. I couldn’t believe we had made it to this point in her life. But with each passing tear of sadness, my emotions moved into a new phase: concern. Had her father and I taught her everything we should have? Would she make the right kinds of friends? Would she find a church that she loved and wanted to attend? Would she do okay in her classes? Would she keep pressing into the One that had gotten her to this point?

My sweet daughter is now a senior and will graduate in the spring. Like any college student, she has dealt with some bumps and bruises along the way, but her father and I are so proud of the way she has embraced adulthood. She will graduate with an incredible GPA, but more importantly, she will step into her adult life with a clear understanding of her identity and a desire to love the people around her through the career God gives her. I would like to say this is because we prepared her so well before she went to school, but that would be a lie. There are things we did to intentionally prepare her, but there are just as many we overlooked. With this in mind, I have created a list of actions I believe are essential to helping prepare students to find success in college, and more importantly, in life.

1.  Let your student struggle and make mistakes.

They will face difficulties in their classes and in their relationships. Don’t rescue them. Instead, counsel them on how to work through the issues on their own. It is better for them to learn these lessons while they are still at home with easy access to your guidance than to wait and have to figure it out alone in college. Their struggles will be hard to watch, but they will be essential in growing them up to be strong, independent adults.

2.  Encourage your student to seek help from their teachers or through other resources.

Students need the confidence to approach teachers and ask for help when necessary. They need to learn to advocate for themselves and respectfully interact with adults. Not only that, but there will be times when their teachers are not available. In a world with Google, Khan Academy, YouTube, and tutoring facilities on every corner, there are many resources available to seek help. Students need to know how to reach out and get it.

3.  Establish the importance of being a part of a church body.

God created us to live in community. When students step into the college arena, they are given many opportunities to find their people. It is important they seek out community that will not only build them up, but also encourage them to serve and love others. Most importantly, being a part of a church body will give them accountability as they meet corporately to worship and grow with other believers.

4.  Encourage your student to take challenging classes in high school.

When students apply to college, the admissions committee will look to see the student has taken advantage of the educational opportunities offered in high school. Not only that, students who challenge themselves academically are forced to learn how to study. The grit and growth from that will likely translate into a student who knows how to study in college.

5.  Partner with your student’s teachers.

Teachers pour their lives into the formation of their students. They see their jobs as more than merely transferring information to a class full of warm bodies. Instead, they are partnering with parents to educate the minds and souls of their students. When teachers assign your student a challenging homework problem or give him a demerit for excessive talking, support them and encourage them. They are working to mold your student into an intelligent, responsible, obedient young adult.

 6.  Train your student to work through relationship issues with people.

Conflict is a natural part of life. It is important we train our kids to deal with it in a respectful, Biblical manner. When disagreements arise with your student and her peers, refrain from jumping into the middle of it. Instead, sit with your student and give advice on how she can approach the other party to talk and find a resolution. In a world where social media is typically an outlet for emotions, train them to communicate face to face.

7.  Pray God would put older, wiser believers in your student’s life.

College students tend to look to each other for advice. While in some cases this can be helpful, there is great wisdom in seeking guidance from the older generation. In fact, the Word instructs younger men and women to be trained by older believers.

8.  Teach your student time management.

When students enter college, they leave behind a life where school took up most of their day. Rather than having their hours scheduled for them, they suddenly find themselves with an excess of time and a plethora of fun activities to do instead of studying. Teaching them how to say “yes” to the right activities will make a world of difference in their college years.

9.  Teach your student the practical essentials of life.

These essentials include things like laundry, cooking, budgeting, cleaning a toilet, changing a tire. Speaking from experience, students can learn many of these skills by looking on YouTube, but there is something sweet about being the one to teach them to your kids. That being said, if you don’t get around to it, don’t fret. They will call you when they need help!

10.  Listen more than you speak.

As parents, we have a tendency to want to input our wisdom and fix our student’s problems, but that is not typically what they want. Instead, they just want a safe place to share their burdens. If you listen more than you talk, your students are more likely to call you when they need a listening ear in college.