Crimes against children research center reports that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 boys will be the victim of sexual abuse in their lifetime. We have all seen the news reports about sexual abuse scandals. From Penn State, the Catholic church and more recently, the US gymnastics team, these stories occur frequently in our world. While it is important to teach our children “stranger danger,” almost 90% of children who are victims of this kind of abuse know their abusers or are related to them. In this article, we will examine some of the tactics used by child predators and how we can protect our children.
What are the tactics used by child predators?
Identifying and targeting a victim
- Become friends with a parent, often a single parent
- Offer to babysit child or provide other types of childcare
- Volunteer or seek an occupation that involves contact with children
- Loiter at places where children are present, i.e. parks, public pools, etc
- Befriend a child over social media
Gain trust and access
- Offer the child gifts or treats
- Spends weeks, months, years “earning” the parents’ trust
- Become an important person in that child’s life
- Take on the persona as “the only one who understands you” with the child
Isolating the child
- Offering to chaperone the child away from the parent or parents
- Offering to pick child up from school or events
- Some predators are able to victimize a child in the presence of other people
Desensitize the child to touching
- Usually starts with innocent appearing “extra” touches, such as back rubs, arm around the shoulder, etc
- Progresses to more serious physical contact after they feel the child is desensitized to the extra touching
Create secrecy and control
- Telling child that no one will believe them
- Abuser may threaten harm to the child’s loved ones
- Abuser leads child to believe they are causing this to happen
How do we protect our children?
Teach our children correct anatomical names for body parts
- A great book to help with this is God Made All of Me , by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb.
- Important to teach children to have respect for their private parts by knowing the correct names for them
Make a family rule about secrets
- Teach your child the difference between secrets and surprises
- It is never okay to keep a secret
- If someone asks you to keep a secret, you should tell mom or dad right away
- Surprises are fun and make people happy
Teach your child about sex
- Use age appropriate words and phrases to teach them
- Use short words and conversations over time
- Follow their lead by allowing questions
- Make it easy and not shameful to talk with you as their parent about any questions they have
Body autonomy
- Never force your child to “go hug grandma” or “go give uncle Joe a kiss”
- Allow them to say “stop” when they are done with being tickled, etc.
Awareness of who will be with your child
- Know who is going to be at someone’s house when your child goes to play somewhere
- Who lives at the house? Who is visiting? Are there any older siblings?
- Decide about what you want your rule to be about sleepovers before the topic comes up
Open lines of communication
- Ask what your child did with someone else while you were away
- Be aware and trust your instincts if your child seems to be uncomfortable with someone
- Allow your child to tell you things that won’t get them into trouble
- Emphasize with your child that you will believe them if they tell you something has happened to them
None of this is meant to cause you fear or give you a desire to be overprotective of your children and not allow them out of your sight. It is meant to equip you and educate you about some of the dangers our children face. There are more resources listed below and many more on the internet you can access to help you have an ongoing conversation with your children.
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
Sources:
http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/grooming-dynamic-of-csa
https://childluresprevention.com/resources/molester-profile/
http://www.imom.com/6-tactics-of-child-predators/#.W5q8HNJKiEs